A mind that won't stop running....

I don't really know where to start, I feel like whatever I type I'm going to be rambling on and not making much sense, so I'll apologize now. Its kinda weird that I happen to get an email to remind me now that I have this thing, because I've been wanting something that I can just type out all my feelings, its amazing how God knows. You know I've been raised in church and I've had some touching services (for a lack of way putting it) but it really hasn't been till recently that I can truly FEEL God in my life. I've had friends that I've went to church with my whole life. Met them as little kids, but never grew in God together. But right now I have 2 friends, Anthony and Nikki that we pray and study the bible together. Its amazing, I don't know how else to describe it. I brought Anthony to know God, I didn't personally help him accept God into his life, but I sponsored him on a retreat that lead him to give his life to God and that feeling was amazing. And the change in him has truly been night and day, he is really giving it his all to live for him and our relationship continues to grow, I couldn't be happier, and even though at a pt i thought he and I was supposed to date, I liked him alot, that's not the case now. I know God has a plan, I love his heart, his passion and his kindness, he's wonderful person, I am blessed to be his best friend and i know he loves me and I'm content with our relationship. And Nikki, I really can see her turning back to God now and that makes me estatic, I love that girl. Grant me she confuses me and wants to make things harder than what they have to be, but I wouldn't change her one bit, she has such a pure and caring heart, I love that I can be my complete self with her and well anthony as well. God has truly and fully blessed me with 2 amazing friends that I can really count on. I didn't realize that so much with Anthony, till I left my interview today and within minutes he txted me asking how it went. I knew Nikki was there for me, she was the only one to ask if I was ok when I was fired. The ONLY one to ask if I was ok. Everyone said they were sorry and it sucked but she asked if I was ok. That meant ALOT.
I sat the other night at church and realized that one thing that always holds me back is the feeling of lonliness, grant me, I have family, friends, my youth kids, Nikki, Anthony, but I don't have a boyfriend and that really bothers me. I dont have that special relationship. I have always wanted that, that loving, caring, someone there to hold me, relationship. But i finally and truly laid it God's hands, he has someone out there for me and he'll bring us together in his time, I have to have faith and trust God. And loosing my job, knocked the wind out of me, but I have to once again have the faith that God will take complete and total care of me. I can't even begin to count the ways he has already. I love God with everything I have and I have to begin to lean on his arms and know he will show me the way. I have to open my heart for his guidence.
Wow, I figured I'd ramble, and I did, but it felt good just to write. I have a feeling I'll be taking the time to do this more, feel free to comment. :) Good night, God Bless :)